After all that excitement, only Bruno Mars (featuring no one from The Voice) can keep things going. Bruno Mars is so good live. I’m calling it now: this is the performance of the night. A solid poop in a night full of farts.
-Carla Patton, The Voice 3-32 “Live Finale” Weecap
And no, the caption does not match the photo, but both are of dire importance.
Then, we go to Christina, who changed her outfit but kept her fan, thigh-high boots, and her wig and crown. She’s like that girl in high school theater who was always like, “Oh, I don’t have time to take my makeup off,” after a play, and also kept the sexiest parts of her costume on for a little bit too long. Christina, you had time. We all know you could easily go from one wig to another in a snap.
- Carla Patton, The Voice 3-22 “Results” Weecap
For once, I am glad that these episodes of The Voice have been pre-recorded. Because you know some or all of the dickbags on this show (Adam, Carson, Blake, Christina, one of the contestants) would try to throw in a “binders full of women” joke, and I just don’t have the patience for it. Not from my reality television, and not from my Facebook either. I’ve unsubscribed from so many of my friends that my news feed is just updates from the Murder, She Wrote fan page. If M,SW gets political on me, I swear to god I’m quitting the internet.
- Carla Patton, The Voice “The Battles Continue, Part 3” Weecap
I don’t know if you watched the debates, and I don’t care, because to me there are only a handful of battles that matter in this world, and they are all happening on this episode of The Voice, said a crazy person. I mean, are the debates inserting cow moo sound effects in a recap of the last one? No, they are not. Do the moderators have an opportunity to “steal” at any point in the debates? I don’t think so. I rest my case.
- Carla Patton, The Voice 3-13 “The Battles Continue, Part 2” Weecap
1. When All Else Fails, Use Spinning Chairs
No time to do any actual planning for the next debate? Just install one giant automated chair for the moderator to sit in, and every time one of the candidates clearly wins a point, the moderator hits a button, crowns them the winner and then moves on to the next point. It goes without saying, but Purrfect the Cat (donning an American-flag collar!) would need to be included.
Read more: TWoP 10: Lessons That Reality TV Can Teach Political Debates