Best: Long-Haired Dudes
Three men with gloriously long hair nabbed trophies tonight — Life of Pi cintematographer Claudio Miranda, Skyfall sound editor Per Hallberg and Zero Dark Thirty sound editor Paul N. J. Ottosson — the Matrix and Fabio jokes that ensued momentarily made us really excited to be watching. Take note, 2014 hopefuls: start growing out your locks now.
Read more: Oscars 2013: Best and Worst Moments
5. One of the Surprise Musical Numbers Is an Extended Homage to Magic Mike
That said, we’ll forgive Zadan and Maron all their Smash-related sins (well… maybe not Ellis… or Leo… or Dev… never mind, we forgive nothing) if they make one of the surprise musical numbers they’ve got planned a Magic Mike-style male stripper routine. Bonus points if they draft McConaughey to lead the audience in a rousing game of “Can You Touch This?”
Read more: Things We Hope to See on Oscar Night 2013
10. The Broadway Cast Turns Up for the Chicago Reunion Instead of the Movie Cast
To celebrate the tenth anniversary of a Best Picture winner nobody cares about (and which really shouldn’t have won in the first place — in ‘02, we were Team Two Towers all the way), the core cast of Chicago — Renée Zellweger, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Richard Gere and Queen Latifah (wait… no John C. Reilly? For real? Unlike Gere, he was actually nominated for a bloody Oscar for Chicago) — will take the stage at some point during the telecast. Snore. You know what would make this reunion actually exciting? If the original stars of the smash hit Broadway revival that the movie is based on — we’re talking stage royalty like Ann Reinking, Bebe Neuwirth, Joel Grey and James Naughton — mounted the dais instead. They may not be movie stars, but unlike Zellweger and Gere, those folks can actually dance and sing without clever editing tricks.
Read more: TWoP 10: Things We Hope to See on Oscar Night 2013
Seth MacFarlane is “Accidentally” Locked in a Broom Closet Minutes Before Showtime and Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Take His Place Instead.
Even before the dynamic duo of Tina and Amy stole his thunder by killing it at the Golden Globes, Seth MacFarlane’s hosting gig has seemed doomed to spectacular failure. (His awkward trial run announcing the Oscar nominations put success even further out of reach.) Hey, Academy: it’s not too late to admit that you were wrong and get Fey and Poehler in there instead; they’ve got a background in improv, so they won’t even need writers! Failing that, Neil Patrick Harris is always suited up and ready to host. Just sayin’….
Read more: Things We Hope to See on Oscar Night 2013
