America’s Next Top Model is not the same without him in and his voluminous wardrobe.
And doesn’t all this really just serve to make you dream of the greatness that would have occurred if Victoria were a finalist and had gotten a family visit? It would have easily been one of the top five TV moments in all of history. And then they would have run off together to find the only Cracker Barrel in Jamaica and enjoy country cooking in one anothers’ arms.
(Two reasons for these gifs: 1. It’s how we feel about missing out and 2. Nothing like a good, cleansing ugly cry on TV.)
Kiara gets a 9 from Rob and a 7 from Kelly, which causes Bryanboy and Rob to call her a hater. Kelly then threatens to rip the soccer mom wig off of Bryanboy’s head, which makes him cross himself. I’d try garlic or a wooden stake.
Kristin goes on about how she feels disrespected, which is SO valid given that she is typically so sensitive and respectful of the emotional well-being of others. As Kiara says that Kristin is herself rude a whole bunch, Kristin asks why she doesn’t say anything about it. Leila tries to get in on the action by saying there’s no point in lashing out, which gives Kristin the opportunity to issue a very respectful, “Shut the fuck up, I’m not even talking to you right now.”
Victoria’s main problem, I think, is that she spends too much of her precious phone minutes crying and freaking out. It’s moments like these that make you wonder exactly how rigorous the psych test for this show is.
For (and from) the lazy, here are our recaps in one handy list:
Kelly does not like her body position and says that she looks like a middle aged man about to take a nap on a new bed. Now, that comment was not up to snuff. If we were back in the Janice Dickinson days that comment would have been, “You look like a homeless amputee about to pass out on a park bench after I blew him.” Wow, I am so nostalgic right now!
Destiny, in case you are wondering, is still very upset about her hair. She tells us that she grew up feeling like she was the ugliest person, and the makeover has not boosted her confidence. I kind of feel her, in that when I was a little kid with a Dorothy Hamill bowl cut, I had an old man neighbor who, every day when I was walking home from school, would yell from his porch, “Who’s that little boy walking down the street?” It gave me a huge complex and I insisted on growing my hair long. That old man also gave out pennies for Halloween, so clearly he wasn’t a reliable source. But you don’t know these things as a first grader.