June 11 on ABC Family
Trying to capitalize on the success of Pretty Little Liars, this new show also features a murder and some current mysterious killings that are tied to that previous death. As a young kid, Danny supposedly offed his aunt for an unknown reason, and then after a stint in juvie, he’s returned to his hometown to try to reunite with his two best pals Jo and Lacey, who aren’t exactly thrilled that their childhood chum may do them harm. Denise Richards is starring as the mom of the killer.
Read more: Summer Preview 2013: New TV Shows
Home Alone: The Holiday Heist
Wednesday, 11/28, ABC Family, 5 PM
ABC Family loves fake sequels (Mean Girls 2 anyone?), so it makes sense that they’d show the straight-to-TV fifth installment of the classic Christmas series. This latest movie has a haunted house plot and is set in Maine instead of the usual Chicago.
Holiday Cheer Level: About the amount that could be found in Joe Pesci’s gold tooth. The Holiday Heist has the audacity to let the star make the classic Home Alone face. Blasphemy!
Read more: Holiday Guide 2012: December TV Preview
Scratch a ballerina, you are going to find a bisexual cokehead that hates her mother and hoards candy. This is true 100 percent of the time, with absolutely no exceptions in the history of the universe, which I can tell you with full confidence because I have met and partied and eaten popsicles for dinner with each and every one of them, and I am dead serious when I say girl, they will wear you out.
- Jacob Clifton, not using hyperbole, Bunheads 1-1 “Pilot” Weecap
Spencer: Stares through the one-way glass at Wilden with the most terrifying fucking death glare you have ever seen in your life. I am now convinced that she not only killed Alison, but probably everybody. She is probably to blame for all deaths, even on other shows. She killed Rosie Larsen and was just like, “Deal with it.” But they couldn’t.
- Jacob cross-network mystery solving, Pretty Little Liars 2-12 “Over My Dead Body” Weecap
And be sure to check out our Pretty Little Liars: Best Moments So Far gallery.