After all that excitement, only Bruno Mars (featuring no one from The Voice) can keep things going. Bruno Mars is so good live. I’m calling it now: this is the performance of the night. A solid poop in a night full of farts.
-Carla Patton, The Voice 3-32 “Live Finale” Weecap
And no, the caption does not match the photo, but both are of dire importance.
Then, we go to Christina, who changed her outfit but kept her fan, thigh-high boots, and her wig and crown. She’s like that girl in high school theater who was always like, “Oh, I don’t have time to take my makeup off,” after a play, and also kept the sexiest parts of her costume on for a little bit too long. Christina, you had time. We all know you could easily go from one wig to another in a snap.
- Carla Patton, The Voice 3-22 “Results” Weecap
God curse this beauty that made her so unusual, and damn her ability to wear bandage tops with cutouts like a real freak. What a weirdo. She’s singing “Ain’t No Other Man” by Christina Aguilera, which makes Christina laugh with pity. She may not be able to wear shirts with cutouts, but Christina has breath control and the ability to destroy that song like no one else ever will. She pushes her button so that she can corner Devyn in a hallway and tell her that that body won’t last forever with heavy cigarette breath.
- Carlon Patton, The Voice 3-1 “Blind Auditions Premiere” Weecap
Wacky Headpiece of the Week
Whose was crazier: Christina Aguilera on The Voice (available here) vs. Nicole Richie and Oscar Fierro on Fashion Star?